I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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