If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
