This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
