I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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