No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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