I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
