I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
