i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
