Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
