My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
