# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
