we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
