I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
