its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
