I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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