He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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