When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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