Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
