you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
