I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
