Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you had me at cake vodka
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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