and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have already put on my inside pants.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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