Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
