whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
