I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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