Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer

(818): View more from California

oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good

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(419): View more from Ohio

her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.

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(819): View more from Quebec

Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?

(604): View more from British Columbia

Each and every day.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(503): View more from Oregon

I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it

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(734): View more from Michigan

I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.

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(909): View more from California

i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life

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(703): View more from Virginia

Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage

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