you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
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the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.