ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage