just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.