dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.