so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
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