At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.