and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
