Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.