My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
