he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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