My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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