Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
