New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bring me that man meat
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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