you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
