moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
