Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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