I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
