She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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