i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
