everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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