Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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