Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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