i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
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honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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