I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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