So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found a bag of teeth...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
