Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
