It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
