For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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