And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
