She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
