just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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