That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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