Are we in a gay sports bar?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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