dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
