Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
