Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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