Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
