Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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