id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
