I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
