i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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