Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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