im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
