I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
