you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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