Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A+ Viking dick
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
