I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
