Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
