you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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