shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
