i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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