And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I intend to get homeless drunk
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
