its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
