fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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